Someone sent me a list of “adult truths” the other day. I thought that by the twenty-first of December, you’re probably as in need of a laugh as I am – so I’m sharing them with you. I’ve contributed the first four myself. The rest – I have no idea where they came from. Enjoy.
You only hit green lights when you’re early and red ones when you’re running late.
Who designed a string of Christmas lights where the entire string goes out if only one bulb burns out?
The sink will clog, oven element will burn out, or the ice maker will die only on the morning of your big party.
The people we elect to “fix” things always seem to leave things more broken, difficult, or downright crazy, than when they started.
Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
There is great need for a sarcasm font.
Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure
I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
Bad decisions make good stories.
I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.
I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.
Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.
The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.