Till the Bag Breaks

February 26, 2011

I was watching a woman in IKEA the other day, trying to push a very large down comforter into a very small shopping bag. It was a eureka moment. That bag was me! Someone is trying to stuff entirely too much stuff into my life – it just won’t fit – and its making me feel like an old bag. Ok, the last part was a bit much, but the metaphor was just going so well.

I’m running around today preparing for the arrival of my parents tomorrow. I’ve spent most of the week in bed with a migraine (gee, don’t know why...) and I’ve gotten nothing done. This coming week is going to be very full as I take my Mom to doctor’s appointments and we will be celebrating her eighty-ninth birthday on Monday.

Now that...dut, da, da, da!!! .....we have approval from the town to proceed with Lauren’s home ( a moment of thankful silence here), I have to get going on all of her plans. As I mentioned in my last post, my stepdaughter and her husband are going to visiting in six weeks and now, I learned yesterday, my grandson is coming to visit in two weeks. I haven’t seen him in a year and miss him a lot. But six year olds require much energy. I hope there is some still hanging around by then.

Lauren started the day with a seizure this morning. So, she is sleeping on and off. She’s still smiling, though. I wish I had her calm acceptance of whatever life sends her way. Right now, I’m overwhelmed with responsibility, stress, and utter fatigue. I had envisioned the months leading up to Lauren moving into her home to be filled with positive decision making, buying furniture and drapes, and making tons of lists - a flurry of activity leading up to a celebration of a major milestone in all of our lives. Instead, I fear, I will become caregiver to my mother now, and not be able to do all for Lauren that I will need to do. I was sure that the shopping bag that woman in IKEA was using would surely break before it would hold that comforter, but it didn’t. I hope the same is true for me.

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